David Flabbergaster strikes again

David Flabbergaster finally found some time in his busy schedule to give us some more snippets from his random life. Hope you find these snippets interesting.

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Guy1: Have a Safe Diwali
David Flabbergaster: Yep, I make sure I always use a condom :P

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Girl completes a ride on a go-kart. At the end of it, some ppl ask her how she felt about it.

She says: It was OK, a little too short, I wish it would've been a little longer.
David Flabbergaster: That is the complaint of 90% of women in the world

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David Flabbergaster: While giving his opinion on two hot women who were identical twins - "Identical twins cannot be called identical twins, unless it is confirmed that they have identical twins."

Annie Hall and other Woody Allen Movies

I had waited a long time to watch Annie Hall, I finally managed to watch it this weekend. What a movie! I have been a fan of Woody Allen movies since quite a while, of his recent movies I loved Match Point and Vicky Cristina Barcelona (no one casts Scarlett Johansson better than Woody Allen). Off late I have started to watch some of his initial movies and after watching and loving 'Bananas' and 'Everything you always wanted to know about sex but were too afraid to ask', I finally saw Annie Hall.

While Bananas and Everything... were random movies filled with non-stop gags, both had elements of awesome skill in terms of using new techniques and amazing dialogue. Annie Hall however is a more complete film, there is a proper story and well defined characters.

The story is about a neurotic comedian in New York called Alvy Singer, played by Woody Allen and his relationship with Annie Hall, played by Diane Keaton. The story revolves around the two of them and how their relationship pans out. Throughout the movie, we have amazing innovations in terms of cinematic technique, like breaking down the 'fourth wall' [where Woody Allen starts directly talking to the audience], split screens etc. These have been replicated in several movies but this particular movie uses it to awesome effect.

Another brilliant scene is the one where Annie invites Alvy to meet her family, here he has a conversation with her insane brother Duane, played by Christopher Walken.

Duane: Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist, I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline.

Alvy Singer: Right. Well, I have to - I have to go now, Duane, because I, I'm due back on the planet Earth.

Check out the brilliant scene here

The movie was a rage at the box office when it released, made at a modest budget of $4 million, it went on to gross nearly $40 million. It won Oscars for Best Picture, Best Actress [Diane Keaton], Best Director and Best Writer for Woody Allen. It was one of the rare comedy movies to win the Best Picture Oscar.

I will try to watch as many Woody Allen movies as I can asap. Meanwhile if you haven't seen any of his movies please do so. They are witty, dry, hilarious and entertaining movies to watch.

Completely Inappropriate Joke of The Day

Q: What musical instrument can be used to best describe a blow job?
A: Mouth Organ

India's Progress

More than any financial index. I think India's progress in the past few years can be best displayed by these two "then and now" images:



Then.



Now.

Condom Kab Kab, CWG Jab Jab

This link made me coin the slogan 'Condom Kab Kab, CWG Jab Jab' :D

Sad, cheapo level stuff, but I had to put it on the blog :D. With all the trash related to the CWG on the net, this one takes the cake.

Inception - Movie Review

A couple of years ago, around the same time of the year I saw a Christopher Nolan masterpiece, which IMHO was the best movie of the year, for those who are unfortunate enough to have not guessed it, I refer to The Dark Knight.

Two years later, I walked in the same movie hall, to watch another Christopher Nolan masterpiece. This man doesn't disappoint. He is the kind of director who can make a brilliant movie and make it in such a way that it enthralls the mass audience. It's two movies in a row that have had insane amounts of hype associated with them and have delivered far beyond what you can imagine before the first reel begins.

Inception is a movie whose story I will not even begin to explain in this review, you just have to watch it. But what I will do, is tell you just how good it is and why.

1. It has an amazing story line. It's simple stuff with complex implications. A dream within a dream, easy enough to understand for anyone. The dialogue in the movie isn't random sci-fi jargon.

2. Really good performances. I saw this random AFP link which said 'Inception is good but it needed The Joker'. Now whoever writes such bakwaas should be fired from his movie reviewing job. The movie has a stellar star cast, and everyone delivers.

3. Awesome action scenes. Without faking grandness, Nolan gives us awesome special effects which are amazingly worked into the story, just like in all his movies. The final hour of the film, is possibly one of the most complicated and perfect action sequences put on film. You have to constantly pay attention to remember all of the layers of what is happening.

4. Tempo. The movie has awesome tempo. The first half while moving the story forward, explains the technical workings of the new world that is the backdrop of the movie. Everything is explained and the concepts are great. Then the second half is jam packed with story thrills as well as amazing action set pieces. What is stunning is how Nolan gets the 'sci' so spot on along with the 'fi'.

5. The last scene. The movie's last scene is what gives the audience a collective gasp of appreciating Nolan's brilliance.

I won't say anymore. I just saw the best movie of the year!

Why you shouldn't believe The Alchemist

When you know what you want the whole world conspires you to achieve it

This is what is mentioned in The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It's a quote mentioned by far too many people when things work out for them. But it's not bloody true. So stop quoting it as if it was the divine message of Thor.

If this quote was true the following would have happened by now:

1. Paraguay would have reached and won the World Cup final and the streets of Paraguay would've seen a pair of truly golden globes.

2. Lame ass reality shows in India would've been off air.

3. REN and MEGA channels would've been back on air.

And instead of a Lenovo T400, I would've had Monica Bellucci and Adriana Lima on my lap right now.

Point made! So stop quoting that lame piece of trash and just go out and party when things have worked for you. Or else I'll post 'congrates' and 'best luck' all over your social networking site page. The previous sentence would make sense to mostly COEP junta :)

They hate love stories

Yeah people they hate love stories. The pyaar ka dushman samaaj is a real badass.
Falling in love is so damn difficult. First you need to find the person of the right degree of hotness, intelligence and all the other senti stuff. Which itself is very difficult and you really hope the girl of your dreams aka THE ONE wasn't female-infanticided long back. Secondly we have our awesome village elders. I mean these guys are amazing specimens of humanity. The name khap is perfectly suited for these people. These people totally make you go, what the khap? [A term used already by a lot of bloggers already]

Seriously, what the khap is wrong with you - Oh great, wise chacha who never had a girlfriend?

You see, first you think the girl child is a dharti ka bojh and blah, so you kill as many as you can without going to jail. Then, the current lot of young lads with raging hormones suddenly realize, where are the women? Somehow, a guy finds the rare surviving female and they fall in love.

Then they realize, no one will support their marriage, so they elope. But then chacha is not too pleased, he'll get hold of the entire village to start a search and destroy mission that even the KGB and Mossad would be proud of. They all go I keeel you!

This comes on the news, the baju ke gaon ka chacha says, what the khap? Now even we have to come on the news, lets find another couple in love and kill them. And the story goes on.

Now because of chacha and his totally khapped up policies the youth are super confused. If you marry out of cast, chacha is angry and you are khapped! If you marry in caste then you're life is khapped bigtime! So what do you do? Well, tell chacha clearly whether he prefers Elton John and George Michael music or whether he thinks guys and girls should waka waka with whoever they want in life. Maybe that would open his khapped mentality a bit.

If only chacha would have had a girlfriend in his young days he would have probably had a better understanding of life, but alas!

It's not CONGRATES!

This was something I should have done a long time ago, but didn't coz I was a nicer guy a year ago. One year into professional life and you realize what a waste of time it is being nice to dumb-asses. So here it is, my rant of the day.

It's with people f***ing up words that they should not f*** up ever! Words like 'Congrats'. The next person who posts a wall post or a comment saying 'congrates' will be publicly whipped, I promise.

I do not claim to be Oxford educated, I have my own typos/genuine mistakes etc. But then if corrected, I do make an effort to change. But here we have stubborn freakos who want to 'congrate-ulate' me or others I know without knowing how to spell 'congrats' in the first place.

What's the harm in typing 'well done' or 'badhaaiyan', you obv don't know English if you're 20 something and still say 'congrates'. It's like saying 'heppy bday'. Unforgivable. Absolutely.

Coke Studio

By far the best music I have heard this year. I must thank Srini for introducing me to Coke Studio. It's got some of the best music in the 'sufi/fusion' genre of music. Which is not for everyone, but if you are open to experimenting, please give some of these songs a listen. The most awesome thing about it is that the songs are all free for download officially. So that sorts out access issues.

Here are a few songs I recommend:

Paimona by Zeb and Haniya. I absolutely fell in love with this song the moment I heard it. If you're extra enthu then check out the meaning of the song here.

In a year when even Rahman hasn't delivered his best, I am glad I discovered Coke Studio, although I can't imagine it took me 3 seasons of the show before I got to it. But I've more than made up for it by checking out all the songs. Some other recos:

Aik Alif - 3 vocalists on this track and each one gives a stunning performance.
Alif Allah - Very nice track with awesome pacing.
Saari Raat - The song is awesome and one for repeated listening. I love the way the song takes off suddenly in the middle.

Raajneeti is a must watch

With Raajneeti, Prakash Jha practically rescues the the film industry. We have had trashy movies releasing one after the other for 6 months; many released with insane amounts of hype. This movie too had a huge amount of pre-release hype. But it delivered. Amazing acting by the entire cast. Stellar performances by Nana Patekar, Manoj Bajpai, Ajay Devgn and a very good performance by Ranbir Kapoor. Katrina doesn't mess it up which is good enough.

Too bad for people who went in expecting a biopic of a real life political leader, because it totally isn't the case. The story is amazingly well written. Not because its path breaking in concept, but because it is path breaking in the way its been weaved into a political drama.

This is the first movie of the year which has dialogues which seem like they've been worked upon, a script which has been really worked upon. I wish people like Prakash Jha were allowed this kind of a budget for all their movies because these are the guys who can make awesome movies with the 50-60 Crore budget range not dumb-f**ks from some of the major banners.

Some really kick ass plot twists in the first half setup the movie for being a smash hit. The second half will make a few people claim similarity with an ancient epic. But then there is no intent at all to do anything but follow the theme of the same ancient epic, so I don't know why some jackasses complain about a couple of scenes at the end.

Special mention for Nana Patekar. This guy takes it to the next level in his role of the guardian for the political family he supports. Some awesome scenes between him and Ajay Devgn and in particular his subtle looks and wry smiles tell you more than any lines could.

Ranbir Kapoor does his part pretty well actually. He chooses to underplay the role and it works. He doesn't go over the top. The one guy who has to go over the top at times is Manoj Bajpai and he does it very well, as the strategically weak leader who is so thirsty for power that he goes to all extremes to get it.

I felt that Arjun Rampal did his best, but maybe someone like Kay Kay Menon should've been considered for this role.

Another point of credit to the director is the fact that each character has been done justice to. He doesn't choose to overuse Ranbir or Katrina. Everyone has got his moment of glory in the movie.

I completely recommend this movie to you guys. Go watch it, its one of the better movies made in the past couple of years.

Arguably the most screwed up SMS I've read this year

Ok, this I found hilarious. I read the following SMS and couldn't believe how screwed up someone's English can be. This person wrote this message with the intent of saying something profound, but has no clue of context or pronunciation and what we get is a masterpiece of divine stupidity and jackassness!
Here is the SMS:

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Life is library
Love is temporary
God is great
Life is sweet
Yesterday is waste
Today is best
Tomorrow is taste
So enjoy everyday
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Awesome Chat Snippet

Awesome segment of a chat i just had with a school friend of mine who i last spoke to in 7th std.
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Friend: howz life man
Me: i'm fine dude...in Pune, working for a management consulting firm. wat hav u been upto
5:25pm
Friend: I have a construction company
I have a textile company
5:26pm
Me: awesome... only thing left for me to say now is mere paas maa hai :D:D
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Needless to say, the spark of friendship is still just as fresh as it was a decade ago!!!

It's Here

Ok, so the promised blog is here.

Read on.

Inspiring Indian War Stories

This post is to declare my intention of starting a new blog very soon, which will be of a slightly serious nature. In the sense that it will be a set of stories of brave deeds of the Indian Armed Forces pre and post Independence.

I come from an Army background and hence have heard of a number of amazing war stories, things which civilians have never heard of, things which our textbooks should have, but don't. I am no historian and would never dare to write anything fictional about the Armed Forces ever. Hence what this blog will have, a set of excerpts of amazing true stories from all over the Internet and from some books.

I do hope you visit the blog once it is opened and I also hope it does excite you, entertain you and in some small way make you feel even more proud of being an Indian.

I don't intend to come across as being pretentious, but I am 22 years old now, and I have never heard anyone in the mass media focus on these amazing stories. If even one of these stories is new for you, the purpose of the blog will be served.

Washing Powder Nirma and Amazing Talent

If you are my friend on Facebook or have me on your GTALK list then I've probably already told you about this video by now. But this video is so hatke, I think it needs a mention on my blog too. This is some dude, with a guitar and a pretty kick ass voice, singing his version of the 'Nirma' jingle which we have all heard while growing up in the 90's and even now the ad plays almost the same jingle.

The part I like about this video is how, one can use talent and awesome creativity to totally turnaround a simple jingle into a freaking awesome short song. The guy puts in his soul into a friggin' jingle! It's one of the best videos I've seen this year, just for it's random awesomeness effect.

I initially thought it was funny, but then I heard it again and then again and well, whoever you are dude [from the video], hats off! Awesome voice and brilliant creativity.

If you haven't seen the video, here is the link for it.

Short Story - 1

All characters and incidents appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, locations, incidents, is purely coincidental.
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He walked swiftly... he knew there wasn't much time. He turned left, he looked around, he couldn't see a soul anywhere near him. He quickened his pace, hope rising in his heart with each step. He reached the door, stuck his hand out, turned the knob... the door was locked. His muscles tightened, he realized time was running out for him. Sweat forming on his forehead. He had to hurry. Please God, he begged. There was another door, to his right. He hastened towards it, tried the door. Locked. Damn it! He was breathing fast now, he didn't have much energy left. He turned around, there was one final door, he looked over his shoulder, wondering if there was anyone else approaching. He stopped breathing for a second and concentrated, he couldn't hear anyone else around. This was his last chance. If this door didn't open, it was all over. He moved quickly, desperation in every step. He lunged towards the door as he had no time to walk the last two steps. He turned the knob so hard, he almost wrenched it off the door itself. It was open, he had but a few seconds left to avert disaster.

Ten minutes later.

Sound of a flush... the victorious hero steps out... from the office rest-room!

Life is Busy

I have been super busy since quite some time and it's taken a toll on my blogging. Whatever free time I get, I spend it in sleeping or catching up with friends or watching a movie and off late, in enjoying the IPL.

Everyone is busy with work, but some of us have more than usual work loads, it depends on luck and job profiles; but I have been having an exceptionally busy time. It's been fun at most times.

I will be back soon though with more of David Flabbergaster, one liners and random incidents pretty soon. The stories are all in my head and I'm waiting for some free time to put them up on the blog. Meanwhile, if you happen to visit the blog, read up on some of the links in the 'Recommended Reading' post to which I have a link at the start of the blog on the right hand side.

And if you've been in touch with me on the phone I am sure you already do know some of the stories ;)

Hope I get some free time pretty soon. See you later!

Loins of Punjab Presents

I have never had so much fun watching a crossover film as I had while watching Loins Of Punjab Presents. It has some hilarious scenes and brilliant acting by the entire crew. The movie is about a 'Desi Idol' contest which is being sponsored by a company called Loins Of Punjab. They choose this lecherous organizer by the name of Bokade for the show, played brilliantly by Jameel Khan. The movie then shows the experiences of all the candidates who appear on the show for auditions and progress forward. Shabana Azmi plays a very bitchy socialite who wants to win the contest at any cost and plays the role to perfection. I loved the ending of the movie, which is really perfect for it. Special mention must be given to Seema Rehmani who plays Sania Rehman, a woman who can't speak Hindi at all but is in love with Bollywood. One line she says is pretty cool, 'Hollywood movies are so one dimensional, it's either an action movie or a romantic movie or a drama. But a Bollywood movie combines all of it in one. I don't know how to speak Hindi, but then again, I want to be an actor, so it's fine' :D

Another standout performance is by Ajay Naidu as Turbanotorious B.D.G. The man is hilarious in the role of a wannabe gangsta-bhagra-king! Insane performance, thoroughly enjoyable. The man dances very well in his performance scenes. Watch-out for the song 'Dhagi Naki Naki Naki Dhin Tara' funky song!

Shaan comes in for a special appearance as a judge in the final round and gives a brilliant WTF expression in one scene where one rejected contestant off stage starts singing the male version of 'Bole Chudiya' when Sania Rehman sings the female part on stage. Hilarity! Bokade is brilliant in a scene when he has a hangover and has to announce the results of the prelim round. Each time he announces a winner, the winner starts celebrating loudly and he gets pissed because of the loud celebrations :D Lots of other hilarious scenes especially with Darshan Zariwalla as a Gujju family patriarch trying to make sure his daughter wins the contest.

The movie is a must see, can't imagine someone not liking it. I for one loved it and would recommend it to everyone.

Karthik Calling Karthik - Movie Review

One Word - Bakwaas!

If you still want to read more, here you go.

I have seen a lot of bad movies, and I never thought I'd hate a movie more than Singh Is Kinng and then I saw Karthik Calling Karthik.

I won't even insult your intelligence by telling you the story line, because it is pointless. The movie is riddled with crappy over-acting by Deepika in almost every scene, lousy situations which try to be cool/cute/intelligent but are completely the opposite. Farhan Akhtar is an OK actor but he is far better as a director and should stick to it. I have nothing good to say about this movie.

Nadia - Lesser Know but Awesome Song

I just stumbled onto this song while going through my bro's iPod. Freaking brilliant, if you like to experiment with fusion once in a while. Later, when I was just randomly Googling the song, I stumbled onto many versions of this song played brilliantly by Jeff Beck. Take a look at one of those versions.

The song is called "Nadia" by Nitin Sawhney and Reena Bharadwaj.

Star Screen Awards - Good ceremony, crazy award choices

Disclaimer: Fans of Paa do not read this post! Fans of Love Aaj Kal do not read this post.


I happened to catch some parts of the Star Screen Awards last week and I thought the jokes that night were pretty well done. But freaking hell, did they mess up the actual awards bigtime!

Some screamers:

Best Dialogues - Abhijat Joshi, Raju hirani (3 Idiots)

Are you kidding me, KAMINEY people! It had the lines of the year! Especially when it comes to quality and depth of thought.

Best Lyricist - Irshad Kamil For Choor Bazari ( Love Aaj Kal)

WTF, when you have Gulzar nailing every song of Kaminey with awesome lyrics, you nominate and then give the award to the most lame song of Love Aaj Kal, even Yeh Dooriyan was better.

Best Music Director - A R Rahman ( Delhi 6 )

I love A R Rahman's music, but Dev D was far superior to Delhi 6!

Best Jodi of the decade: Shahrukh Khan and Kajol

While giving away this award they showed clips of DDLJ and KKHH, both movies from the 90's, I think they got confused about which decade they were giving away the award for, as it is I think it should have gone to SRK and K Jo :D

Best Editing Results - Raju Hirani (3 Idiots)

Dev D being technically superior to 3 Idiots should have been given it's due! One only has to look back to the dope scenes of Abhay Deol to know which had superior editing.

Best Story - Imtiaz Ali ( Love Aaj Kal)

An award for Best Story given to a movie which had the crappiest 2nd half of the year! They might as well have given it to Blue or Kambakth Ishq.

The final screamer:

Best Actor: Amitabh Bachchan (Paa)

I have the greatest respect for AB, but please! Out of sheer respect for his tremendous skill I wanted to refrain from shredding the movie Paa on my blog. But then when performances like Dev in Dev D and Shahid's awesome double role in Kaminey are ignored for trashy campy rubbish like Paa, one can't help it. It was a disastrous movie which just got away with the sympathy card and was called a hit! It's almost a crime to criticize movies made on people suffering from problems, but honestly Paa was trash!

I really wish award ceremonies stopped celebrating camps in Bollywood and instead actually gave awards to the deserving performances!

Dil Toh Bachcha Hai Ji - Lyrics

My first fave of the New Year, it's a song from the movie Ishqiya. I especially liked the remix version, the original is also amazing. Brilliant track from the amazing combination of Gulzar and Vishal Bharadwaj.



Aisi uljhi nazar unse hatt ti nahi
Daant se reshmi dor katt ti nahi
Umar kab ki baras ke safaid ho gayi
Kaari badari jawani ki chatt ti nahi
Walla ye dhadkan bhadne lagi hai
Chehre ki rangat udne lagi hai
Darr lagta hai tanha sone mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil to baccha hai ji
Aisi ulji nazar unse hatt ti nahi
Daant se reshmi dor katt ti nahi
Umar kab ki baras ke safaid ho gayi
Kaari badari jawani ki chatt ti nahi
Ra ra ra ..

Kisko ptaa tha pehlu mein rakha
Dil aisa baaji bhi hoga
Hum to hamesha samajhte the koi
Hum jaisa haaji hi hoga
Hai zor karein, kitna shor karein
Bewaja baatein pe ainwe gaur karein
Dilsa koi kameena nahi
Koi to rokey, koi to tokey
Iss umar mein ab khaogey dhokhe
Darr lagta hai ishq karne mein ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Dil to bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil to baccha hai ji


Aisi udhaasi baithi hai dil pe
Hassne se ghabra rahe hain
Saari jawani katra ke kaati
Piri mein takra gaye hain
Dil dhadakta hai to aise lagta hai woh
Aa raha hai yahin dekhta hi na woh
Prem ki maarein kataar re
Taubah ye lamhe katt te nahi kyun
Aankhein se meri hatt te nahi kyun
Darr lagta hai mujhse kehne mein ji
Dil toh bachcha hai ji
Dil toh bachcha hai ji
Thoda kaccha hai ji
Haan dil toh baccha hai ji


5/5 for this song.