Sucky ads - Rant for the month

Dear ad-makers,

PFB a set of crappy ads you folks have been coming up with in the recent past:

1. A super crappy ad about a old hag who realizes after about 50 years that some Kantilal had made out with his chic and wants to take revenge, by breaking Mr. K's teeth. He says this to his teenage grandson. What a kick ass grandpa-grandson bonding moment!

The grandpa then finds Mr. K thanks to a social networking site accessed by his grandson's 3G device. They head off to take 'revenge', where the 'tharak max' grandpa gives a peck on the cheek to Mr. K's wife (without checking if she was his wife, in my twisted spoof version of the ad Mr. K will have the last laugh by telling 'tharaki grandpa' that the woman he kissed was his 'bai')

Tharaki grandpa then runs way past his grandson, jumping with joy, giving you the feeling that the ad could also be a confused 'musli power' type product ad.

2. Random guy asks a flop movie star a question, "Why is India's population so high?"

What follows is the most idiotic explanation of all time.

Apparently, when power cuts occur, men suddenly realize the lack of entertainment in their life due to the T.V. set not functioning. They then give 'havas' looks to their wives who comply and eventually get pregnant. Lo, behold, India's population explosion.

How do we prevent it? Condoms? Nope, just give everyone a particular brand of 3G service and then as the ad suggests, 'biwi se 3G'. They'll start watching porn on their mobiles all night and all is well.

The first ad is just downright stupid, the second is an insult to one's intelligence and a downright insult to women, shamelessly objectifying them as entertainment.

There are several other irritating as hell ads on TV, especially the one with the fat-ass with a beard who mouths a Hindi expletive every-time he watches sports in HD.

Such wannabe ads are increasing day by day, one wonders if ever intellect will make a comeback. TV shows had become unbearable years ago, the only time one watches TV is for sports and now even that experience is being destroyed by loud, insulting ads.

Dear ad-makers, you are the last hope of a generation that is in danger of abandoning the TV. Please don't assume that just because Delhi Belly became a hit, we want to hear abuses. Please don't try to make some non-funny ad seem funny by putting in fake laughter in the background (an insult to anyone who has seen Seinfeld). Please give us some proof that you haven't run out of ideas!

Washing Powder Nirma and Amazing Talent

If you are my friend on Facebook or have me on your GTALK list then I've probably already told you about this video by now. But this video is so hatke, I think it needs a mention on my blog too. This is some dude, with a guitar and a pretty kick ass voice, singing his version of the 'Nirma' jingle which we have all heard while growing up in the 90's and even now the ad plays almost the same jingle.

The part I like about this video is how, one can use talent and awesome creativity to totally turnaround a simple jingle into a freaking awesome short song. The guy puts in his soul into a friggin' jingle! It's one of the best videos I've seen this year, just for it's random awesomeness effect.

I initially thought it was funny, but then I heard it again and then again and well, whoever you are dude [from the video], hats off! Awesome voice and brilliant creativity.

If you haven't seen the video, here is the link for it.

The Aphrodisiacs of Today

Dammit, all this while I thought that one had to be sensitive, romantic, interesting, courteous etc etc to get a girl's attention, but how wrong I was! Damn this world of books and novels which are filled with hundreds of pages of how a man should struggle to win his damsel's heart. But all that was just trash, i.e. if advertisements are to be believed. Originally it was just AXE and other deodorants who were responsible for enlightening us about how spraying yourself could get you your dream chic. But now others are following suit.
Almost all bike ads now come with the same storyline, guy on the road with his new bike and abracadabra, women go crazy! Weirdest thing in the bike ads is how the girl sitting behind the guy starts causing the background music to change to sensual feminine moans and groans. Damn, and here people read books about technique and stuff to evoke such responses from women.

Then we have the usual, underwear ads; which nowadays are exploring the wild side of the "Bharatiya Nari" types of women, i.e. wearing sarees and stuff... and yes, moaning in the background music.

But the weirdest ad, the one which caused me to write this post was the new Panasonic ad with Ranbir Kapoor. The entire ad focuses on a stream of women entering the guy's house, apparently coz he has an awesome TV. Obviously the women make suggestive gestures and moves, but obviously that was because of the TV and not coz of Ranbir, thats bcoz at the end of the ad, a geeky version of Ranbir gets all the babes after he installs the same TV.

I'm waiting for the day Saffola oil starts asking us to buy their latest low cholestrol oil pack, so that men could get in bed with hot women.
The ad would go like this -

Two men enter a shopping mall, hot chic notices them, First Man buys Dhara or some other brand, woman gives him the thumbs down. Second Man walks and buys Saffola with low cholestrol. Woman smiles and makes suggestive gestures at him, they walk out together, woman looks at screen and says "I like my men with low cholestrol"... screen fades to black, obviously with moaning sounds in the background!

Anyways, the point is that ads are really getting dumber by the day. Aamir Khan's recent Tata Sky ad as an old Sardarji is a welcome change, such ads should be made more often. But marketing is about success, and the only reason that ads involving "moaning background sounds" are becoming the order of the day, is probably because they're more successful.

I'll carry on doing the usual, non-advert style methods of impressing women, i.e. until the day my imaginary Saffola ad is actually aired! That day i'll buy Axe, a new bike, VIP Frenchie, Panasonic TV and finish off with Saffola oil to seduce my chic!

Advertisements

There are loads of crappy ads on TV, but one brand that always delivers knock-out ads each time is AXE. I mean seriously - these guys [am sure only guys can conceive such blatant male fantasy ads] come up with outstanding ads each time. They're so good that even women can't help smirk while watching them.
One particular ad that strikes me i the one where this lone guy on an island starts spraying himself with AXE and all off a sudden, hot women start converging onto him from Air, Land and Sea. That people was an awesome ad! Think of the research they must have done to find so many hot women [for an engineer in COEP, it would've proved an impossible task to find even one AXE worthy babe. No offence girls, I'm not Brad Pitt either; but facts are facts]

Then off late the Kit Kat ad was also good, the one in which the guy bites the Kit Kat and fantasizes about hot women having 'worked on' the Kit Kat!

Now i must mention the 'male innerwear commercials'. Boy oh boy, are there some intellectually bankrupt men making those commercials. Its almost a standard -

1. Some girl is being troubled by some dude
2. Enter guy in just an underwear
3. He kicks the ass of the other dude [who obviously lost only because he didn't use the same brand of undies]
4. Girl just falls crazily in love with guy with underwear
5. Guy with underwear then has the girl in his arms and smiles

Then there was this other ad, slightly better, about a guy and his chic who wants to 'do it' with his girl, but somehow things don't happen; until she stumbles into his room and magically gets seduced by his underwear!
Dude, if you're in a room with a hot girl and you have just 1 piece of clothing on you, am sure that the brand of your innerwear is the last thing she is thinking about. You might as well use Bhilwara Underwear aur Baniyan with as much success as Dollar Club or the greatest of all VIP Frenchie!

Coming back to Axe, they also use subtlety to great effect -



In anticipation of many more awesome Axe ads, here's me ending yet another pointless post!