At a wedding

There are different kinds of weddings -

Friend Weddings

Family Weddings

Then of course there's Your Own Wedding; but at that time you're torn between fake-smiling at random guests, listening to and following instructions given by every old aunty and the pundit, along with fantasizing about the suhaag raat when there's time for that.

Friend Weddings - can be fun if you've got a good collection of other friends to hang out with. You don't really get to spend anytime with your actual friend whose getting married, because his/her mind will be occupied with what was written in the previous paragraph.

The most fun I have had at a 'Friend Wedding' has been while sitting around with other friends, making fun of all the relatives at the wedding.

Another thing I noticed is that, all families are the same.

There's always a talkative, know-it-all uncle/aunty who keeps pestering the bride's/groom's parents, who have to tolerate them for social reasons.

There's always at least one really, insanely hot chick who struts around in a shiny green/blue dress.

There's always this moment at the end of the reception where the bride/groom are surrounded with friends who crack the non-veg, suhaag raat based jokes. I think the only reason that friends are invited to weddings is for this brief period of laughter that they contribute to the couple's life.

Family Weddings -

There's always someone who has a complaint about the food.

There's always some relative who you've never seen before but claims to have seen you when you were two feet tall (a measure that is also referred to as 'jab tu itna saa thaa')

There's always some relative who wants to know your entire resume. This type can be easily detected by looking out for people who ask the following question - 'toh aaj kal kya kar rahe ho?'

You will always hear the phrase 'arrey tum kitne badey ho gaye ho', even if you've stopped growing a decade ago. That phrase is damn irritating, especially if you are a short person. You always wonder if there's a tinge of sarcasm involved.

If you're tall, then the phrase changes a little to 'arrey tum toh badey hotey jaa rahey ho'

On a related but slightly random note. Imagine the scene if Pamela Anderson were Indian. At a wedding, if she's told 'arrey tum toh aur badi hoti jaa rahi ho'!

Back to the post...

There's always this gang of old aunties singing, who sound like a cross between Anu Malik and Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, both, on dope.

The songs sung during these occasions are the one's pulled out of the playlist used by All India Radio's Bhoole Bisre Geet. If you were born post-independence, there's a high chance you will not remember any of them.

You will lose count of how many feet you have touched.

There will once again be a very hot chic at the wedding. But here's the main difference between a Friend Wedding and a Family Wedding. At a Friend Wedding, you are free to shamelessly ogle at women, but at a Family Wedding, it is not so safe, because there is a high chance that the said female may turn out to be a very distant cousin. Which is kinda scary!

Let me end this pointless post with a crass joke:

Q - Why do all the guests have a weird smile on their face when greeting the bride/groom at a wedding?
A - Coz they know you're gonna get fucked soon!

See you at the next wedding!